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Sauze D'Oulx, 2005
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Let's go skiing, where shall we go?
Do we really care, so long as there's snow?
Shall we book early, or shall we book late?
Does anyone know what difference it makes?
How much to spend? I'm broke this year!
Spend less on room, and much more on beer.
What about night-life? Must be plenty of bars?
No buses this year, slopes can't be too far.
Meet at the airport at some unearthly hour,
No time permitted for breakfast or shower!
Travel in style, in cattle class
Whisked off to the slopes just to fall on our arse!
No snow has fallen for several weeks,
Despite having booked for the ski-season peak.
Destined to ski & board down icy runs,
Not good for the experienced, for beginners no fun
Strap ourselves into inferior hire gear,
This is gonna be good, this is definitely our year.
Highly engineered equipment designed for carving and speed,
With our dubious prowess, clearly more than we need.
Aging chair-lifts take forever to climb,
How are we supposed to make the most of our time?
Two runs down, must be time for a break,
Let's hit that cafe for lattes and cake.
Let's
keep in our group, together ski down,
Though that doesn't last long, after much waiting around.
Let's ski over to the furthest resort,
It's bound to be better, or so it is thought!
Let's go off-piste, there's so much more snow!
But are we insured? If not I won't go!
We must take that button lift, it's the only way back!
Sod that! I'll take the bus. For boarders they're crap!
So it's off to Ghost bar for an après-ski beer.
Is it happy hour? Or will my round be dear?
Sexy waitresses and barmaids with alluring smiles
Feeding our dreams, at least for a while.
Back to the Hotel for a culinary feast,
And if not up to much, excuse for moaning at least.
Then off to the town for one or two jars,
Although knowing us, we'll exceed that by far!
Laddish pubs & clubs kitted out for the Brits,
Offering big-screen football, sexy dancers & strips.
Time to exchange ski stories, moan about bruises and sprains,
Anesthetic properties of beer easing wounds, aches and pains.
End of the holiday, it's time to return,
For rest and normality, our bodies do yearn.
A week of hangovers, poor snow, pricey beer,
Ok, so then lads, same time next year?
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